Remember when I said the reviews would be daily? Well it turns out the kind of guy who names his blog Underperformer and forces himself to watch a Nic Cage movie or two every day for a month is the kind of guy to not update regularly on the interzone. We had a bad schedulue situation on Sunday the 7th and had to fall a day behind (we did a double feature of both National Treasure movies to catch up). We’re finally caught up now, so here’s a what the last six days were like.
day seven
City of Angels (1998)
Nothing about this movie is good. Christ, I thought Cage was wooden in 8mm, but in this movie his character is literally not human (for most of it), so it’s even worse. Add in Meg Ryan as TOTALLY ROCK N ROLL SURGERON, BRO, a touch of Goo Goo Dolls, and the weakest attempt at pulling my heart-strings ever, and you get this turd.
Best moment(s): I guess when we were all making jokes about how Nic Cage was Neo was pretty fun.
Menno’s rating: 2.0
Pickles’ rating: 2.1
Haircut’s rating: 3.0
Overall Cage grade: D
day eight
Kiss of Death (1995)
Not a very good movie, but a very funny and rewatchable movie. This was David Caruso’s first big leading role (post- NYPD Blue), and it really shows why he failed so hard in film. Nic Cage plays the main antagonist, a muscle-bound, asthmatic gangster (the enforcer of his top-dog father). Cage is hilarious, Michael Rapaport is not that bad, and Caruso is hilariously awkward. Also, Ving Rhames! The story isn’t terrible (it’s not fantastic either), but the exectution is poor. Saved by Cage, basically.
Best moment(s): Cage bench-pressing a stripper (the stripper calls him a faggot when he struggles after 30some presses); “Come by the bar, you and me should have a conversation about life and shit.” (Cage); all Ving Rhames scenes; Cage’s fancy new 1995 boombox.
Menno’s rating: 5.0
Pickles’ rating: 6.1
Haircut’s rating: 4.4
Overall Cage grade: B
day nine
Bringing Out the Dead (1999)
This one is sticking in my memory a lot, which may be a good sign. It’s dark, urban, and strange. Basically Taxi Driver without the payoff. I have already mentioned that I love a good descent into madness story, and while this isn’t really a whole-hog Apocalypse Now kind of mind-fuck, it is compelling. I feel like I would “get” it more if I had lived in NYC in the early 90s, or maybe even been to NYC ever. Visually, it’s great (the shot of Cage climbing out of the overturned ambulance is tits). Ving Rhames (again!) and Tom Sizemore pretty much own. Patricia Arquette is not so great (shocker). Cage is good, but I feel like he could’ve brought more Cageyness to the role. Take that shit over the top, man!
Best moment(s): Marc Anthony’s ridiculous hair; aforementioned ambulance shot; resurrection of I.B. Bangin; the whole drug-dealer character
Menno’s rating: 6.1
Pickles’ rating: 6.1
Haircut’s rating: 6.2
Overall Cage grade: Unanimous B
day ten
World Trade Center (2006)
So, a movie about the WTC collapse starring Nic Cage and directed by Oliver Stone. My initial reaction was something along the lines of, “Oooooooof.” In reality: Waaaay more not that bad then I expected. I am good sentence form. I was expecting an overly long, heavy-handed emotional epic, and that’s what it is, but I didn’t mind so much. I don’t know if it was just the subject matter or if it really was very well done (I did feel pretty claustrophobic with McLoughlin and Jimenos in the rubble…), but this one got to me. When even the soulless, communist Canadian feels a little spark in the empty cavity of his chest during a 9/11 flick, something’s gotta be alright, right? I think so. Whatever. Shutup, I’m not crying.
Best moment(s): All the moustaches.
Menno’s rating: 6.6
Pickles’ rating: 6.4
Haircut’s rating: 6.4
Overall Cage grade: A-
day eleven
National Treasure (2004)
I’ve been waiting for this one. Nic Cage as Indiana Jones sounds pretty awesome to me. It ended up being pretty underwhelming, but what can you expect from a movie for children about hunting for treasure? There are some great Cage moments, and he seems like he’s really enjoying the role (to the tune of 20 million or so…). His little sidekick is pretty good as far as family-friendly sarcastic sidekicks go. The plot and action sequences are of course fucking ridiculous, but hey, it held my attention. Also, Sean Bean is evil! And Harvey Keitel is good!
Best moment(s): the scene in which we meet Abigail Chase; most of the interaction between Cage and Small, Mousey Assistant; Harvey Keitel; Jon Voight’s 70s hair(piece?)
Menno’s rating: 6.1
Pickles’ rating: 7.1
Haircut’s rating: 5.9
Overall Cage grade: B+
day twelve
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (2007)
Oh boy, a sequel! Even more ridiculous than the first (and with a little extra Oscar power added in courtesy of Helen Mirren). This time they’re searching for a lost city of gold which ends up being inside Mt Rushmore. Awesome. Cage lets loose a little more in this one, bringing more of my favourite Cage-isms to the role of Ben Gates. The script isn’t as good, and the plot is worse, but the movie is slightly better for it, atmo. And I can’t stay mad at Bruce Greenwood.
Best moment(s): Anything involving Bruce Greenwood; the possible math error (they imply that 5 millions is 0.5% of 10 billion); a guy named Glenn Beck plays Abe Lincoln.
Menno’s rating: 6.8
Pickles’ rating: 6.3
Haircut’s rating: 6.0
Guest Anna’s rating: 6.5
Overall Cage grade: B
