We hadn’t done one from before any of us were born yet, also we wanted to see boobs. Guest Curator Beau joins for his first foray inside the mind of Monsieur Cage.

day 14

Valley Girl (1983)

Cage’s first big role (and first credit as Cage, not Coppola), and boy does he come through. A young Cage tends to be a pretty zany Cage, and we get a good dose of that. As for the movie, it’s a simple and pretty boring love-conquers-boundaries thing that is saved by the following bullet points:

• Cage is so totally…uh, not “punk rock” per se, but so totally… new wave, I guess? I don’t know, before my time. His hair is great, though.
• Several breasts appear in this film! At least seven!
• Frederic Forrest
• Modern English

Best moment(s): Frederic Forrest shaking Cage’s hand like the sketchy ex-hippie he is, aforementioned boobs, Cage’s hair, popped collars

Menno’s rating: 4.2

Pickles’ rating: 5.2

Haircut’s rating: 3.9

GC Beau’s rating: 6.2

Overall Cage grade: B

addendum: Here are some alternate titles for the movie

• Vapid Cunts
• Valley of the Walking Embodiments of Greed
• Hoit Douchington’s Popped-Collar Awkward Dancing Jamboree
  
• Twats Angeles